or torn within... or both... in any case, there are moments i just want to curl up and be depressed about the human condition, the lack of trustworthiness and abundance of selfishness and the hypocrisy and suicidal ways of the human race.. there are times i want to cry in a selfish self-pity party... and there are times i want to enjoy the jubilation i find in just being me... and times i want to feel sad because nobody seems to enjoy a similar jubilation within themselves (at least not independently)... there are times i just want to give in and fit in and buy into whatever others seem to believe that gives them some appearance of belonging... but the delusional basis of the whole experience is too obvious to me... all i really want is to enjoy life without a lie, without a cruch, without pretending we need something beyond what is and what we are to enjoy being...
anybody?
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