the ride after sudden unexpected change can be manic, even traumatic... to suddenly lose all income and be faced with a rush to a major life change not chosen, but thrust as a blindside betrayal... hope rises to calm and even excite as i send out resumes and get positive feedback from colleagues and highly respected contacts throughout the state (and i visualize myself enjoying respect and professional rewards working a job i want to do, earning enough to live comfortably in a nice house or apartment)... and then, the lulls, the waiting time breeds fear and loathing of the self-destructive human rat race game sinking into the depressing apathy and even panic mode of the street (and i visualize myself enjoying watching the madness of the world go by from some comfortable cushion of a sleeping bag in a park or beach)... as billy joel sang, i go to extremes...
luckily these moods are only momentary...
or maybe not so luckily...
can i please just give up now?
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