awkward night (part 2)

waiting for others to wake now
should not be sleeping in this bed
where babies come expecting to find mommy
in the middle of the night
and find a startled stranger sleeping
not again tonight

waiting to find the bathroom
waiting to warm up (hope it doesn't get much colder)
waiting for a drink of water (after i pee)
not a good night for the kidneys
not a good weekend for the kidneys

not sure who is sleeping where
don't want to wake anyone
don't want to scare the babies

brief thoughts
not sleepy anymore
slept my four hour cycle
need to pee
need to warm up
need to write so i am here
don't like being needy
nobody to talk to
nobody to share this with
nobody listening
i am
nobody.

awkward night (part 1)

awkward and uncomfortable night
sleeping in the wrong place
baby comes looking for mommy
finds me and screams
trauma for future nights?
not sleeping now...

bed is dirty
not sure what it is
chocolate cake or dried feces
or just dirt
babies and dogs slept here last
ignored it at first
not sleeping now.

cold and clothes out in the car
not sure how to get out of house
need to pee too
not sure which room is the bathroom
too dark to explore
don't want to wake the babies
don't like scaring babies.

click click click clock
very noisy clock next to my head
ignored it at first
not sleeping now.

nobody awake to talk to
nobody awake at night
nobody i know
nobody nobody no body
i am
nobody.

not sleeping tonight.

dichotomous polarity

blissful taste buds sugar rush fat bliss and loneliness still seeps through as i put aside the video game distraction and watch the odder side of tv, sci fi, being human and lost girl and sure, always the outsider with some deep dark secret super power, are we really such an egocentric species that it has to be all about being human?... add the stupidity of self-destruction and the weepy emo weakness of the glimmer of potential for goodness and any non-human species with superior senses or powers feeling like they are missing something is as delusional as the typical human... but then, these shows are made for humans by humans, after all... duh...

but i wish i could share, even if it was just a momentary illusion...

sometimes...