sick and tired

and yet i still wanna party all the time party all the time party all the time and yet, still wondering wandering on my semi-quixotic quest for someone to love love love (with the obligatory shock value and babble just (just?... is there really any justice in this world?... never mind this distraction, get the point already) to keep us on our toes… and real… you can’t know it all, but you must…

fuckit

sometimes it feels like nobody cares cuz nobody is here and nobody shares cuz nobody is here and all i feel is fuckit...

don't want to stay here too long, cuz it's anti-sharing and pathetic, but it happens from time to time...

i must remember that i have ways of maintaining the balance...

business

keeping busy is just another way to avoid feeling the loneliness of being without a true partner you trust who shares everything with you in this life...

fukitol

oh yeah, by the time i get to woodstock, even, (aka: when the memory blows the mind... ), we all (unless you are the most unlucky soul in the universe) experience deja vu some or... sometimes, even, and even when it feels odder than a rectal thermometer in the ear (or mouth, for that matter, for those who can remember), the shoe drops on the other foot only now and then, once in a while, and then again, when we want it to enough...

and if you do not understand, you pretend ignorance or incompetence to shirk responsibility, or you are just genuinely slower than the average chimpanzee, that's alright now momma, cuz you can still enjoy the party (unless you really don't want to), because you choose where the emphasis goes whether you like it or not, know it or not, or admit it or not...

in the moment you love everything unconditionally and let go of everything completely, you exist one with all - be there with me now (or be somewhere else)...

and sometimes i feel

life is a party and everything is so sweetly wonderfully enjoyable and pleasurable cuz there's some sort of balance that feels perfect...

roll with it :)

good morning

yeah, what time is it?... the alarm on my cell phone just woke me and it seems to be an hour earlier than it's supposed to be cuz the cell phone company, att, apparently does not send out a signal to syncronize the clocks in their cell phones, which is odd... wait, maybe i have to turn it off and on again... in any case, i could have slept an extra hour if att just sent out the right signal... the body could have used the extra hour...

good morning :)

momentary moments

if i did actually come by and drop words out here in the ether whenever i could (or whenever i felt like sharing, which would be even more often), most of the words would fly right by in thereal real time cuz who has time to check in several times a day and who even wants to keep in touch that much...

besides me, i mean...

sometimes, it's done

and there's nothing left to do.

pointless

and the point of taking me to where i am most vulnerable is...

sometimes i feel

like the allman brothers sang, but more, lonelier than words can explain and more, angry at all those i love and cherished and devoted myself to throughout the years (except maybe one or two, maybe) cuz what goes around never seems to come around to me and that's a fact, sucks to be me when i feel this way...

still, i can laugh at myself even as i hate everyone else...

cuz momentary moods pass so quickly...

and i chose what remains real...

place

everything in it's place... and everybody... it can hurt to be put in one's place when one believed one belonged in another place, a closer more meaningful more important place... that is the danger of presumption, the folly of assumption, and the madness of believing in words...

consistency

if i came here every day and wrote something meaningful, something profound, or even just something that i wanted to share, innocuous, personal, general, specific, serious, irreverence, nonsense, or whatever...

would it matter in the end if you missed an entry?

understanding

are you afraid that if you actually realized that you could understand everything that maybe your head would fall off or something?

low

now, a hamstring muscle tear challenges me even more than ever before as a dark voice asks me me if the youth is gone, if the athlete is dead, if the days of playing sports and living vigorously are over... time to retire and die?... definitely not a high moment... may this pass quickly...

not that it matters...

plans, scams, garbage cans

probably not best laid, at that, but whatever... it turns out that unexpected expences, like $1000 in overdrafts and paying off a car accident, will prevent my roommates from being able to move out just now (no less paying me back, much like the last few times i loaned them money), so another seven month lease will be signed, which continues the status quo, which sucks...

much hhjj

that's much happy happy joy joy, mostly because there is much hope for social life as i am busy almost every night for weeks to come and while the closeness of true friends or intimacy has not yet arrived, the fun of the journey is returning (now if i just get back to running and working out, aye?)...

homesweethome

people never cease to amaze me... home i come after another 18 hour day away from the place and the air conditioner blasting away… it's Florida, so what's wrong with that picture?... well, it's 61 degrees outside… and nobody's been home for six or more hours… of course the lights were on too… i doubt it would make a difference if they paid the electric bill, but they don't, i do… alas, life with the careless inconsiderate slobs goes on… i love 'em, but the mess really is getting amazing… stepping over stuff just to walk in the door and through the house... and we're looking for a house to move into… my goal is to have meetups at the house, even develop an actual social life where friends come over from time to time… the secondary effect of developing a new and improved social life that includes having friends and guests over will hopefully encouraging more picking up behind self behavior around here… it's really like living with a two year old sometimes… a messy two year old… welcome home :)

unfinished

still want to share it though...