magic moments

the last ten minutes (about) of it's a wonderful life floors me every time no matter how many times i've seen it... there are other films that grab me, hold me, melt me, and compel me to an emotional catharsis on different levels (wide range of types, from miracle on 34th st to fifth element to hook to some even more diverse), but few can kick me out of complacent egotism or detached intellectualism as well as it's a wonderful life...

thanks all who made it, every one :)

sometimes i am so amusing

to myself, at least :)

i wasn't feeling this way

last month, or whenever this was, i was full of hope and prosper, as if prosper was something to be full of, and the bliss i know as me was shinging brightly in my eyes (even if i'm the only one who saw me)... or was it this month that i feel this way?... time travels in weird circles :)

promises

yeah, with another song playing on repeat because of the magical connection i saw in the singer's eyes and smile the first time we met in the rain on warped tour and that one look was enough to fall in love with her and her voice and music and now new words leading me back to the first time in the program office the love at first site swallowed all reason and cause to leave me living on hope in the bliss of lust and uninhibited trust and blind faith in unconditional love if only she did too...

as if we could

at this moment i feel as if we could overcome anything and share perfect peace and harmony, however briefly, every single day simply by smiling at each other (even from a distance, sending a smile, hello, few words that take thirty seconds to type and send)... it is possible...

yes, at this moment i feel as if we could...

bliss too

yes, the normal ordinary everyday mood between bits of cashews and milk chocolate is bliss, simple euphoric (and often effervescent) bliss...




what?... I didn’t say bliss was entertaining :)

top of the world

the softball world, at least... we won the first game of the season, lost the next one, won the third game, lost the fourth... then, today, we eight weeks later, we won our tenth game in a row and the last one was the championship game... we are the champions, my friends... went out celebrating, championship dinner, got trophies, t-shirts, awards, the league voted our team the spirit award and the team voted me mvp... ego flies, heart smiles, and and and...

it feels pretty amazing...

euphoria

what a feeling just remembering cell memory as i drop the excess once again down to the original revelation left behind so very long ago... bear with us, we might get back to where we once belonged just yet, aye? :)

spinning into control

sometimes the mind focuses with such clarity that everything in the universe and beyond, known and unknown, makes perfect sense to me and if i ever find the words to explain it, i'll let you know... until then, excuse me if i just enjoy the heck out of the moments :)

bipolar

is usually defined as (or by) cycles of depression and elation or mania that often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that may cause serious problems and embarrassment or grave problems... and statistics say 2.6 percent of the population aged 18 and older, have bipolar disorder... so maybe i ought to wonder, being that i have made some impulsive decisions that have undermined or even destroyed my fondest dreams and lead to rather horrible experiences at times and left me alone when being in a partnership is one of my fondest dreams, if i am not bipolar since i experience hyper highs that bounce me off the walls for days on end and dark deep depressions that have, at times, left me curled up in closets for days on end...

or i could just be a drama queen...

thing is, most of the time, i experience the seemingly perfect peace, joy, and happiness of super hyper giddy euphoric and the debilitating almost suicidal depression simultaneously... the depths of sadness i feel about being alone in this world amidst the seriously suicidal human species and the near perfect euphoria i feel just being alive is the constant state of being in my mind...

at least for the moment...

sugar buzz

yeah, so i should be sleeping (as i used to say in the title of my first online daily babblings) and i really should not eat after midnight or even after dark cuz age has slowed the already slow metabolism (probably why the body seems to stay young, it's not burning itself out on it's own... if only i'd stop doing it for it, aye) but instead here i am buzzing on sugar cuz i just ate two cans of pineapples in juice and syrup (i added the syrup myself cuz i prefer pineapple in 100% juice when buying canned pineapple, i mean, in case you wanted to know cuz you were considered what kind of canned fruit to buy me... of course fresh pineapple is even more delicious, but all that cutting can be dangerous after midnight when i am tired or even buzzed after eating a lot of pineapple in 100% juice spiked with syrup)... the buzz feels almost as wonderful as it would feel if i was sharing intimacy with a libido fantasy... almost, i said almost... soon, i will crash and sleep, not long enough, but at least some sleep is better than none in the long run... but for now, oh, the sweet buzz is fun :)

and sometimes i feel

life is a party and everything is so sweetly wonderfully enjoyable and pleasurable cuz there's some sort of balance that feels perfect...

roll with it :)

much hhjj

that's much happy happy joy joy, mostly because there is much hope for social life as i am busy almost every night for weeks to come and while the closeness of true friends or intimacy has not yet arrived, the fun of the journey is returning (now if i just get back to running and working out, aye?)...

it

sometimes i just feel it and it is so real, there is no need for anything else... though i still want to share it cuz i remember sharing it makes it better, but it is still completely perfect even when it is not shared...

love for a birthday

bliss comes in the most unexpected moments when you forget the timeline and the connections, but when you remember, everything happens just when it is supposed to...

won der ful

wonderful news!... full of wonder, it's a win!... der win, to be european about it... ya, der ful o won!... and news too :)

good moods don't need much explaining ya know :)