bipolar

definitely euphoric depression, or is it the euphoric that is depressing because it is not shared... surely it isn't that the depression is euphoric... rhetoric, perhaps, but there are so many ways to view everything, how can a point be a line without another point to connect to...

sigh, when all that's left to do is alas, smile and enjoy the flow :)

future times

and what's wrong with a future where people are no longer hung up on fears of nudity or sexuality or egocentric power struggles and finally actualize the honest love and caring and pleasure we can share in this physical life?

if you have an answer, you belong in the past...

fuckit

sometimes it feels like nobody cares cuz nobody is here and nobody shares cuz nobody is here and all i feel is fuckit...

don't want to stay here too long, cuz it's anti-sharing and pathetic, but it happens from time to time...

i must remember that i have ways of maintaining the balance...

business

keeping busy is just another way to avoid feeling the loneliness of being without a true partner you trust who shares everything with you in this life...

fukitol

oh yeah, by the time i get to woodstock, even, (aka: when the memory blows the mind... ), we all (unless you are the most unlucky soul in the universe) experience deja vu some or... sometimes, even, and even when it feels odder than a rectal thermometer in the ear (or mouth, for that matter, for those who can remember), the shoe drops on the other foot only now and then, once in a while, and then again, when we want it to enough...

and if you do not understand, you pretend ignorance or incompetence to shirk responsibility, or you are just genuinely slower than the average chimpanzee, that's alright now momma, cuz you can still enjoy the party (unless you really don't want to), because you choose where the emphasis goes whether you like it or not, know it or not, or admit it or not...

in the moment you love everything unconditionally and let go of everything completely, you exist one with all - be there with me now (or be somewhere else)...

understanding

are you afraid that if you actually realized that you could understand everything that maybe your head would fall off or something?

homesweethome

people never cease to amaze me... home i come after another 18 hour day away from the place and the air conditioner blasting away… it's Florida, so what's wrong with that picture?... well, it's 61 degrees outside… and nobody's been home for six or more hours… of course the lights were on too… i doubt it would make a difference if they paid the electric bill, but they don't, i do… alas, life with the careless inconsiderate slobs goes on… i love 'em, but the mess really is getting amazing… stepping over stuff just to walk in the door and through the house... and we're looking for a house to move into… my goal is to have meetups at the house, even develop an actual social life where friends come over from time to time… the secondary effect of developing a new and improved social life that includes having friends and guests over will hopefully encouraging more picking up behind self behavior around here… it's really like living with a two year old sometimes… a messy two year old… welcome home :)

wtf

and when i feel like nobody cares and want proof, all i need to do is look around...

love for a birthday

bliss comes in the most unexpected moments when you forget the timeline and the connections, but when you remember, everything happens just when it is supposed to...

sometimes I feel

sometimes I feel like a prophet and sometimes I feel like a fool, but mostly I am feeling lonely of late and I'm tired of it and that's not cool... right now I feel like nobody cares enough to be here to care for me cuz nobody is so nobody does and this has beeing going on for some time now... I still want to believe in love and hope and friends and caring and love, but I've got no proof it exists anymore and what I once thought I had is so gone, maybe it never was...

are we luckier to be alone when we die, so no one mourns more than a moment or two or are we luckier to die in the arms of someone who will mourn us forever and want us to be together again somehow someday, if that's even possible...

might depend on whether we define mourn as die or as celebrate...

I'm celebrating, personally, all alone.

the best semi-laid plans

are not really plans, but then, they might be ideas, ideas that never quite reach fruition, perhaps, but nonetheless ideas... it is easy to see the lack of external inspiration and allow that to effect the flow, but then, does a river dry up merely because no one comes to wade in it?... my friend Phil Oso knows, and perhaps you do too... shame we don't know together :}