how alone is alone?

the real (as opposed to e-the-real, i supposed), is alone... individuality is alone... freedom is alone... everything that makes this life what it is, a solitary hourney within a physical vessel, is alone...

am i feeling lonely?...

neglected, unappreciation, ignored, or unnoticed

one of those words express the feeling of the momentary mood that flows at this moment and my mind wanders through the bullsugar finding questions like is this collection of videos genius or nonsense or meaningless disconjointed random pop news or some profound message from within me or without me or what about this collection of videos raising similar, though different questions... and then there's all the other stuff (volumous humungous, even)...

do i deserve more attention?...

and sometimes i feel

life is a party and everything is so sweetly wonderfully enjoyable and pleasurable cuz there's some sort of balance that feels perfect...

roll with it :)

momentary moments

if i did actually come by and drop words out here in the ether whenever i could (or whenever i felt like sharing, which would be even more often), most of the words would fly right by in thereal real time cuz who has time to check in several times a day and who even wants to keep in touch that much...

besides me, i mean...

understanding

are you afraid that if you actually realized that you could understand everything that maybe your head would fall off or something?

not that it matters...

much hhjj

that's much happy happy joy joy, mostly because there is much hope for social life as i am busy almost every night for weeks to come and while the closeness of true friends or intimacy has not yet arrived, the fun of the journey is returning (now if i just get back to running and working out, aye?)...

unfinished

still want to share it though...

tic toc

BY

sitting around

waiting for Rasputin to motivate himself to get into the shower and go out... two hours of waiting and the day is done, late afternoon and evening ahead, so goes most weekends these days... even when there are too many activities to squeeze into one weekend... need more of a change in lifestyle than just a daily trip to the gym... participants welcome...

didn't last long, did it?

I'm probably too lonely, alone, and out of touch with contact, being in touch on the momentary scale, to maintain this... or else there's just not enough time and it hasn't become habit... maybe next time :)

just now

I am really tired cuz I've been up all night cuz I found myself relating to someone online who writes words that talk to me (amuse me and move me) and missed her visit to Orlando (not that I particular want to expose anyone to my current living space and I wish I had the house I once had with guest rooms and cleanliness) and my hunger for a true friend grew to an all-nighter of hope, despair, and more hope... I'm going to bed now...

must have forgot

of course, this is the experiment gone awry cuz nobody pays attention to the moments, at least not consistently, not even me... but I want to... and I used to... and I would try again if someone would share the journey... so at the moment I am accepting the peaceful euphoria of being alive and being me while simultaneously accepting the sadness of longing for love and sharing and feeling loneliness... how are you?

even briefer than brief

yes, another blog... why?... because this one will be even briefer than the brief RealTime blog that is supposed to be brief... so good morning, I feel tired and lonely and happy to have another day to start again and hope for more... how are you? :)