always

yes, always, i'm in the mood for love, always, i'll be loving you, always, here in the moment of time passing by, always, chasing rainbows, always, something there to remind me, always, on my mind, always, in my heart, always, love you, i will, always, run to you, always, run to me, always, i will follow you, always, right here waiting, always, a woman to me, always, loving you, always, wanna be with you, always, whatever, always :)

freaking memory

yeah, last week i got blasted from the past and this week another and the photos are chilling and inspiring and so very sad because so many i've loved are still out there and i can see their photos on the new social netowrking sites and yet, no contact, no interaction, no continuance and yet, always in memory, freaking memory, even when i am not in the mood to remember...

so many emotions collide at this point, but still, i would rather remember than forget cuz i know it is better to have loved...

you?

valued

how much i wish i could be valued in your life is mostly usually infinitely, so valued that priceless is where it begins... but you have lives full of whatever you do, full or empty, there is no me in it of any value as far as i can tell... no matter how much i wish it, you make the choice...

promises

yeah, with another song playing on repeat because of the magical connection i saw in the singer's eyes and smile the first time we met in the rain on warped tour and that one look was enough to fall in love with her and her voice and music and now new words leading me back to the first time in the program office the love at first site swallowed all reason and cause to leave me living on hope in the bliss of lust and uninhibited trust and blind faith in unconditional love if only she did too...

hell bent

sometimes i get so tired of living amongs people so hell bent on proving their belief in their delusion that they are out of control...

missing me

i miss relaxing in bed with the words and music... i miss sharing with someone sharing with me... i miss the caring and the feeling of communicating intimately creatively ... i miss missing someone and i miss knowing somebody is missing me...

how alone is alone?

the real (as opposed to e-the-real, i supposed), is alone... individuality is alone... freedom is alone... everything that makes this life what it is, a solitary hourney within a physical vessel, is alone...

am i feeling lonely?...

bipolar

definitely euphoric depression, or is it the euphoric that is depressing because it is not shared... surely it isn't that the depression is euphoric... rhetoric, perhaps, but there are so many ways to view everything, how can a point be a line without another point to connect to...

sigh, when all that's left to do is alas, smile and enjoy the flow :)

relativity

sometimes a little practical philosophy is all there is to hold on to, especially when a downbest pounds your spirit into a dark abyss of hopeless apathy... when the loneliness and lack of intimacy and love and trust get too real, it is not always bullsugar and sometimes walking away is the way to go...

take a walk...

sometimes so lonely

like the whipporwill song, even deeper, the can't live song, deeper still, an infinite abyss no words could express in any language ever... this is not a mood i want to experience much more than a moment...

obviously bipolar

unless you're dead, or mostly dead, in which case you are probably depressed... change is good, fear is bad, learn to enjoy it all...

neglected, unappreciation, ignored, or unnoticed

one of those words express the feeling of the momentary mood that flows at this moment and my mind wanders through the bullsugar finding questions like is this collection of videos genius or nonsense or meaningless disconjointed random pop news or some profound message from within me or without me or what about this collection of videos raising similar, though different questions... and then there's all the other stuff (volumous humungous, even)...

do i deserve more attention?...

fondly frustrated

frustrated by a body that is not just imperfect, but not cared for as optimally as possible so therein hurts more than it should but more, is unable to do all it can due to spinal alignment out of synch and a life too busy to rest properly due to massive workloads and a loneliness due to lack of intimacy and all in all, i fondly recall the wonder of caring...

or something like that...

future times

and what's wrong with a future where people are no longer hung up on fears of nudity or sexuality or egocentric power struggles and finally actualize the honest love and caring and pleasure we can share in this physical life?

if you have an answer, you belong in the past...

crappy feeling

in this moment my head is think and hurting and eyes are hurting and ear is screaming and nose is stuffy and running and all in all, i don't like this crappy feeling... fever?... feels like it... this momentary mood sucks (so why am i laughing?)....

must be the madness :}

as if we could

at this moment i feel as if we could overcome anything and share perfect peace and harmony, however briefly, every single day simply by smiling at each other (even from a distance, sending a smile, hello, few words that take thirty seconds to type and send)... it is possible...

yes, at this moment i feel as if we could...

hot and cold

and not just the weather, but this is the coldest winter since i've been down ehre in florida (most of the last twenty years, actually) and that could be one reason my moods have been fluctuating more than usual but more than weather, it's the unchanging monotony of life, work and play, and not putting the body in extreme physical fun (exercise) which makes for a dull physical experience which is boring no matter how much fun my head is having (and it is having much fun, much fun between the ears)...

ambivalence in the body, nagging the mind a bit, like what a drag it is getting on, but euphoria more than ever in the mind, the ethereal bliss of being... and that's the mood at this moment, how about yours? :)

in a moment of clarity

everything is clear :)

bliss too

yes, the normal ordinary everyday mood between bits of cashews and milk chocolate is bliss, simple euphoric (and often effervescent) bliss...




what?... I didn’t say bliss was entertaining :)

could be desparation

or desperation, for that patter... desparate desolation desperate desire, too faint for despair or any powerful feeling, too tired for anything but last gasps...